A BIT OF HISTORY:

  When Oliver Klozof enrolled in the prestigious Mannheim Institute, he was considered one of the best and brightest students in the field of cryogenics. However, his roommate was definitely not one of the best or brightest at any field, except maybe partying. One night, after experimenting all day, Klozof returned to his room. He strode though the door, and then stopped dead in his tracks. There was a full-scale college party going on in room, with his roommate as the host. He was quickly grabbed by the partygoers and placed head first under the margarita machine. He didn't know it then, but the opening of the spout would cause the doom of his college career. The margaritas were wonderful! Cool, frosty, and addictive were just some of the words he used to describe them. He found a drawback finally after about 15 of the lovely drinks, they melted. To be more specific, they melted before he could finish drinking them. Klozof decided right then and there that his life calling must be to develop a margarita that wouldn't melt before it was entirely consumed. He planned and experimented during all his lab time, ignoring all his studies. At night he found he a plethora of test subjects at various parties around campus. Finally, as his grades slipped and his teachers wept, he was expelled for "pursuit of trivial knowledge and low ethical standards." Not that this bothered him much when he got the expulsion notice (Klozof had already had several margaritas before climbing out of bed that morning) since the teachers visiting to beg him to come back to class kept interrupting his precious experiments. The only difficulty Klozof could see arising from this was the lack of research equipment and test subjects.

  Oliver knew the campus had already revoked his pass card to all the labs and placed cloned security guards at all the entrances, including ventilation shafts. So, Oliver Klozof stole some lab equipment from some of his fellow students (framing them so that it looked like they stole the equipment from one another) and went off to pursue his noble goal on his own. He sold nearly everything he owned that wasn't needed for his experiments, including the Racercraft Mach V the college had given him as an enrollment incentive (he was suppose to return it due to his expulsion, but he needed the cash) to pay passage aboard a rickety Orion Ore hauler to the Bajor-B'hava'el system. The Bajor-B'hava'el system consisted of eight terrestrial worlds, three gas giants, and most importantly three ice/rock conglomerates He settled down in an asteroid caught in orbit around one of the ice/rock conglomerates that had once been used by miners, and began his experiments.

  Klozof worked from the moment he woke up (about 2:00pm) to long into the night, experimenting and blending nonstop. He made slow progress because he was now his only test subject, and it was difficult to remember what he had done after drinking his test Margaritas. Many of his margaritas melted the moment they contacted the glass, while others became so frozen that the blender cracked. His notes became disorganized as the testing went on and on and on. Finally one night Klozof accidentally knocked over a test tube of what he called "pretty blue" (he had stolen it along with the equipment because he liked the color, but had no idea what it contained) into the blender along with the latest experiment. Klozof figured what the heck and drank it anyway. The margarita worked! In fact, it worked so well that it not only stayed frozen at room temperature, it caused a chain reaction. When he drank the margarita, it flash froze not only Oliver Klozof, but his lab as well. This flash freezing ruptured the water supply to his wet bar, causing the lab and the entire asteroid to fill with water and freeze, with no one else there to turn on the defrost.

  In the vastness of space, the UBS Casual was suspiciously nearby and in need. It seems that party in hanger deck for the honor of the newly christened Battle Bar^TM was a bigger success than anticipated and ice was become scarce ship wide. Stopping in the Bajor-B'hava'el system to take on a supply of ice, they found a perfect asteroid covered all over with ice. The asteroid was immediately brought aboard (it wasn't a very big piece of rock as asteroids go) and placed in the hanger deck right behind the bar. Late into the evening, after much of the asteroid had been chipped away, a guest complained that his drink had been served with a frozen fingertip in it. Yo!Woman! Daphne, thinking fast, replied, "We charge extra for that," and replaced the guest's drink while distracting him with oral skills. It was decided to use the transporter on the frozen ice block that had been Oliver's lab; after all melting him out would have wasted the precious ice. Fortunately, the crew was able to revive Oliver Klozof from his icy slumber & reattach his finger, although he did have a huge hangover that lasted several days.

  While being tenderly tended by CMO Darvis and Head Nurse Baley, Klozof told of his life mission. The beloved CMO informed Commodore Erickson of the highly interesting experiments Klozof was working on before his frigid accident. Feeling that Oliver had much to offer the Casual and the Casual had much to offer Oliver, Commodore Erickson decided to offer Oliver Klozof the position of Cryogenics Officer onboard the Casual. Seeing the unlimited potential aboard the ship, he joined readily as it allowed him to continue his experiments on very willing subjects. However, Oliver Klozof (now a Commander and recently promoted to the head honcho position in Communications) has now had switched drinks from Margaritas to Zombies. It appears that the sudden flash freezing caused an allergic reaction, and now his body can no longer tolerate any tequila. But he still has plenty of test subjects!

Send Commander Klozof some mail!