Although the Stardate system, even when considered in the light of our personalizations of it, is an informative and accurate dating system, we all know that it lacks much in the way of comprehensibility. In this light, we here present some of the more important dates in the history of the Casual in the time-honored Anno Domini format.

Of course, many of the important events in the Casual's history have been (at least temporarily) lost in the alcohol-laden mists within our memories. Occasionally, one of my officers or I will suddenly have a piercing flash of memory, inspiring us to add more data to the "official" chronology. If we can drag ourselves to a terminal before some other stimulus (like a pretty butterfly or some twinkling dust motes) causes us to lose the train of thought, we'll add what we remember and have Alden check it against some of his damaged memory units for any semblance of truth. If he can't dispute it, it gets in.

It should be noted that the gaps in Alden's memory are the result of sabotage by the nefarious spacegoing missionaries, the Humbardos, during their ill-conceived attempt to convert the Casual some years ago. If that sounds entertaining, never fear: The Humbardo experience, along with many other useless facts, will be detailed in my personal logs as soon as I can find the data in my closet.

2284

The USS Excelsior , NX-2000, is launched from San Francisco Naval Yards, Earth. Hikaru Sulu is slated as her first Captain, but his involvement in the Genesis incident forces his continued assignment aboard the USS Enterprise.

10 October 2284

The USS Athena, NCC-1834, is launched from the San Francisco Naval Yards, Earth, under the command of Captain Alden Talmain.

27 October 2284

The USS Athena departs on her shakedown cruise. Many departments are understaffed and several ship's systems are not yet on line.

31 December 2284

Commander Adam Mallory replaces Commander Aurelius Spartan as Athena's Executive Officer.

2285

The USS Enterprise, NCC-1701, is destroyed by Admiral James T. Kirk to prevent its capture by Klingons at the planet known as Genesis.

19 June 2285

After several months in space, crew morale and efficiency drop to the lowest recorded levels in Starfleet history. Commander Mallory begins to spend large amounts of time on personal missions aboard the shuttle Aphrodite.

26 July 2285

Many officers request transfers, most claiming distrust and fear of Commander Mallory as one of their reasons.

30 November 2285

As a result of consistently low ratings on all Starfleet performance drills, Athena is recalled to Earth for evaluation.

15 January 2286

Athena returns to duty with several new officers and crew members. Curiously, many of these new additions are less capable than the individuals they have replaced. Crew morale reaches an all time low.

15 March 2286

The USS Athena is reported lost at the Galactic Barrier during an exploration mission. Multiple systems malfunctions are cited as the cause. 62% of the crew are rescued by the USS Essex, NCC-1719

16 March 2286

The remaining officers and crew of Athena, having thwarted an insane attempt by Commander Mallory to destroy the ship, decide under the influence of alcohol and a lack of rest to defect from Starfleet. Commander Allan Cormach Erickson is promoted to Captain. The UBS Casual is officially born.

20 May 2286

The first ship to find the Casual is the Scout USS Taurus, which sticks around for several days of partying.

13 July 2286

The Casual's Naval Construction Contract is revoked, leaving us with an unregistered hull.

21 August 2286

Starfleet Command's Admiral Morrow unofficially recognizes the existence of the Casual and sends us a bunch of neat stuff.

29 August 2286

The Casual discovers an ancient derelict asteroid casino. The asteroid is dubbed the Hotel Gemmorah.

12 September 2286

The Hotel Gemmorah opens for business. At the opening ceremonies, Captain Erickson declares the asteroid a sovereign nation and proclaims himself God Emperor. Nobody really cares.

29 September 2286

In a fit of boredom, Captain Erickson promotes himself to Commodore, due to the more starbase-like nature of the asteroid.

21 October 2286

The crew of the Miranda-class frigate USS Ticonderoga request asylum on the asteroid. They claim that their new captain was under orders from an Admiral Adam Mallory to destroy the Casual. The crew mutinied and came to the Casual. The Ticonderoga crew is granted political asylum and promptly liquored up. The USS Ticonderoga is claimed as "War Reparations" and renamed the UBS Relax. Commander Flynn promoted to Commodore and given command of the Relax. Commander Alexander Sulleven promoted to XO of the Casual.

December 2286

To avoid further acts of aggression from Admiral Mallory, the Casual and the Hotel Gemmorah enlist outside aid and relocate to the Star Desert.

The USS Essex, under the command of Admiral Adam Mallory, discovers the Casual and attacks. No damage is caused, and Essex flees after several Casual weapons are used on her.

2287

As a result of heroic actions resulting in the salvation of Earth, Admiral James Tiberius Kirk is exonerated of many of his crimes relating to the Genesis incident and is simply demoted to Captain. A recently launched Constitution II class vessel, USS Yorktown, is renamed USS Enterprise and her hull registry is altered to NCC-1701-A. The new Enterprise is placed under the command of Captain James T. Kirk.

Tests on the experimental Transwarp drive aboard USS Excelsior prove unsuccessful. Nevertheless, the basic spaceframe design of Excelsior is deemed more than adequate for all normal starship operations, and further ships of the class are ordered into production with several modifications, without the Transwarp system.

26 March 2287

Commodore Erickson departs on a five-month journey through time via the Guardian to visit some of the greatest parties ever held. Sulleven made Regent-Captain.

30 August 2287

Commodore Erickson returns to the Casual, convinced no other party in history can quite compare to it.

02 September 2287

The UBS Relax is lost when subliminal commands within the minds of the former Ticonderoga crew manifest themselves. The Relax is completely destroyed, and the few remaining sane officers are returned to the Casual.

18-24 September 2287

The Wake of the UBS Relax is held on the Hotel Gemmorah.

22 September 2287

Commodore Flynn is made co-Commanding Officer of the Casual. Commander Sulleven is promoted to Captain and made full-time XO.

06 October 2287

While celebrating Commodore Flynn's birthday, the Casual crew discovers an hitherto unknown planet in the Star Desert populated by small orange humanoids. Because the race was constantly besieged by enormous predators, the Casual adopted the entire surviving population of 200 individuals to be our caterers and cleaning crew, mainly in the Hotel Gemmorah. They are overjoyed.

12 October 2287

Completing a six-week refit, the Casual buys a set of used and somewhat mismatched Warp nacelles and begins installation.

03 November 2287

Commodores Erickson and Flynn crash a symposium being held by the officers of the USS Essex. There is much rejoicing.

26 February 2288

Due to a warp envelope instability, the Casual encounters a wormhole generated by her own engines. Rather than worry, chief engineer Fugit advises eating the worm. The Casual re-enters normal space deep in the intergalactic void, millions of light-years from home.

27 February 2288

While stranded, the Casual is attacked by a Humbardo vessel.  The Humbardos claim to be the source of all law, and are quite upset that mankind has strayed so far from their course.  A missionary is beamed aboard, to determine how best to put mankind back on track.  Unfortunately for the Humbardos, their missionary is the one converted.

03 March 2288

As the Casual's party supplies ebb, Commander Hardemann, with the aid of Lt. Commander Havoc, designs and builds the Flashback Drive in 29 minutes. The device causes everyone on the ship to believe that they're experiencing a bad trip, and snaps the Casual back to its former location in the Star Desert.

15 March 2288

While attempting to rescue a pet fish from a bowl of punch, Captain Sulleven invents Bobbing For Trout, a new and exciting party game.

13 September 2288

The Federation makes repeated offers to buy certain alien technology from the Hotel Gemmorah. They are politely refused.

3O December 2289

The Casual is prepared for a premature climax to the decade. This does not happen, but the celebration is exciting nonetheless.

2290

The USS Excelsior, NCC-2000, finally receives Captain Hikaru Sulu as Commanding Officer.

20 January 2290

The Casual holds the first of many Klingon Beach Parties. Since we have no beach and Klingons hate to swim, it works out fine.

19 March 2291

The Casual makes a deal with the Federation to market the technology used in our transporter orgy Comm badges.

???? 2291

Captain James T. Kirk is lost and presumed dead after an accident aboard the Enterprise-B on her inaugural flight.

22 February 2292

In return for the Hotel Gemmorah's Hallucinodeck technology, the Casual is granted full access to Memory Alpha, as well as royalty rights on further manufacture of private-sector units. To celebrate, we hold the Nude or Nerd Party, and liven up the lives of the unfortunate geeks who staff Memory Alpha.

02 January 2293

While testing a new drive system, the Casual innocently attracts the attention of the Borg, who quickly attempt to assimilate us. To keep this from happening, the crew of the ship and all guests put on disguises to convince the Borg that we've already been assimilated. It works; the Borg turn out to be pretty stupid.  Commander Thomas is partially assimilated, and later elects to keep his new assortment of add-on parts.

13 May 2293

The Casual accidentally enters orbit around a singularity at its event horizon. Commander Havoc uses the Suck-U-Tron 3000 to get the ship free; inadvertently sterilizes the population of a small planet. Upon our escape, Federation time signals indicate that we've come forward in time 70 years, to the year 2363. Because there were no guests aboard at the time, nobody seems to care. The Hotel Gemmorah, which had been closed for remodeling, is still closed.

23 September 2363

The Casual, heading home after its time-jaunt, is met by the new Galaxy-class starship USS Yamato. Commodore Erickson is informed that the Casual was presumed destroyed, and that several post-mortem accolades had been granted to the ship and its crew. These are in process of being revoked, due to our survival.

04 October 2363

The Galaxy-class starship USS Enterprise, NCC-1701-D, is officially commissioned at the Utopia Planitia yards in Mars orbit.

07 December 2363

Using our old access codes, the Casual updates all its data banks from the Memory Alpha archives. We discover that we're really, really rich.

14 January 2364

The Casual collects royalty payments due on Hallucinodeck and CommBadge technology. This makes the Hotel Gemmorah the richest government known to the Federation.

The Casual enters into a long-term contract with the Ferengi for party supplies. We will later regret this.

27 February 2367

The Casual and the Hotel Gemmorah are sued by the Ferengi for numerous bogus reasons. The Casual and the Hotel are represented by Commodore Flynn, and the Ferengi case is soundly defeated, leaving the Ferengi to pay up the balance of our contract.

To continue receiving the more esoteric substances that only the Ferengi can provide, the Casual enters into an agreement with a very secretive Ferengi female.

13 March 2369

Using data retrieved from Memory Alpha, the Casual travels to an ancient and apparently abandoned Dyson sphere recently discovered by USS Enterprise near Norpin V.

12 May 2369

Upon arriving at the Dyson sphere, the Casual stakes a claim to an abandoned island continent the size of Jupiter and names it Relaxia. Scouting and colonization parties are sent out, and applications are taken for more colonists.

15 May 2369

Commander Hardeman and Commander Fugit utilize a variation of Dejector shield technology to place several satellites in orbit around the Dyson sphere's star. These inhibit the dangerous radiation surges and redirect the energy back into the sun, temporarily restoring it to safety. More permanent solar repair methods are discussed in the appropriate Roman setting.

22 May 2369

Scouting data indicates that the Dyson Sphere was built by the same race that constructed the Hotel Gemmorah. Alden quickly searches for a spherewide datanet he can combine with.

2371

The U.S.S. Voyager, an Intrepid-class vessel, is lost in the so-called Badlands while pursuing a Maquis vessel.  Voyager is the 5th vessel to be lost mysteriously in this region, and Starfleet imposes navigational restrictions to prevent further losses.

2371

The U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-D, is lost on Veridian III after thwarting an attempt by Dr. Tolian Soran and the infamous Klingon Duras sisters to destroy the system's star.  The ship's Battle Section is destroyed by a warp core breach resulting from battle damage with the Duras sisters' ship, but most of the crew is saved aboard the Saucer Section.  The Saucer Section is crash-landed on the planet's surface and is decommissioned by Starfleet later that year when salvage is deemed impossible.  Captain James Tiberius Kirk, believed killed in action 73 years previously, appeared mysteriously and assisted Enterprise Captain Picard in defeating Soran.  He died in the action, and his actual remains are interred near the site of his death on Veridian III.

17 October 2371

The used Warp nacelles the Casual has been using reach the end of their warranty period and fail. The Casual is towed to Starbase 151 for a complete refit. Refit is scheduled to take 3 months, during which all party activities aboard ship must be suspended. The Hotel Gemmorah is not quite able to take up the slack; a site is sought for the annual New Year's Eve Eve celebration.

30 December 2371

The Casual leases Deep Space Nine from a Ferengi agent and holds the first ever Bajoran Sexual Gratification Festival.

13 January 2372

A pair of "gently used" Leeding FWG-1 warp nacelles (and one of only two sets known to still exist in perfect operating condition) is procured from the Starfleet Museum. They were originally installed aboard the Mk IX/A Heavy Cruiser Merrimac, which was used primarily for low-intensity diplomatic missions. The price paid for them by the Casual would buy a Galaxy-class starship (or finance a really huge party).

24 January 2372

The staff at Starbase 151 is unable to comprehend several of the Casual's modifications, and requests aid from several alien races to complete the refit. Completion will take another 2 months.

11 March 2372

The refit of the Casual is completed at Starbase 151. Three Starfleet engineers complete doctoral theses on aspects of the ship's "unique" systems; due to their understanding of the incomprehensible systems, two of them are signed on as crew.

15 March 2372

The Casual celebrates her (temporal) 10th anniversary by holding the first semi-annual Gladiatorial Games on the hangar deck. Nobody dies, but several limbs are reattached to the wrong bodies during a drinking binge in Sickbay. During the festivities, Commodore Erickson is accidentally poisoned and must spend the rest of the night as an hallucination.

2372

The Sovereign-class U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-E, is commissioned.  In a twisted interpretation of Starfleet protocol that seems only to apply to vessels named Enterprise, her officers and crew are those who had recently served aboard the Enterprise-D, which was lost at Veridian III last year.

2374

Several Casual officers are involved in a bizarre transporter accident and find themselves in an alternate reality, in which all Starfleet ships and crews bear a striking resemblance to the Casual.  They must sober up and act responsibly to save the Federation from the Dominion's invasion.

15 March 2374

Commodore Alexander Sulleven and Commander R. Fugit are requested by Starfleet Command for assistance in the Dominion War.  Sulleven is made official Barfleet Ambassador to the Federation.  Captain Ian MacLaren promoted to Commodore; Commander Horatio Havoc promoted (against his will, of course) to Captain.

2375

The Dominion War ends as Odo, a Dominion Founder who has lived in the Alpha Quadrant for years, links with the Founders' leader.  This results in her being cured of the genocidal Federation-engineered disease affecting all Founders, as well as giving her a glimpse of Odo's unique experiences among "solids."  With an oath from Odo to return to his homeworld to provide a cure for all the Founders, the Dominion surrenders to the Federation.

2375

Barfleet engineering crews salvage the remains of the Enterprise-D Saucer Section from Veridian III.  It is refurbished and mounted to the Hotel Gemorrah as a revolving restaurant.

December 2375

Lieutenant Reginald Barclay, formerly of the USS Enterprise and frequent guest of the Casual, succeeds in contacting the missing U.S.S. Voyager, which has been missing for almost 5 years and was presumed lost until spurious communication was achieved last year.  Voyager is actually in the Delta Quadrant, and is making her way home.  Starfleet Admiral Parris assures Captain Janeway of Voyager that Starfleet will continue its efforts to bring the ship and crew home and to find a means of regular communication in the near future.

2376

Governor Flynn announces the discovery of a massive shipyard facility within the Dyson Sphere.  Commander Fugit is reassigned from Starfleet Engineering Liaison to the Relaxia Colony as an "Engineering Consultant" to supervise salvage operations.  He "accidentally" takes several gigaquads of Starfleet design data with him.

(More to come when we remember what happened recently...)

Back to the UBS Casual Page